I wanted you to receive the greatest gift you asked for this Christmas, so I wrote Santa Claus and told him that you were good all year. Last night, a reindeer dropped a letter through our chimney with a message from Santa in reply. He wrote simply, “Ho, Ho, Ho, Ho!"
I guess it takes more than a letter from me to get you off that naughty list, dear friend. So here I am, writing a letter to you to greet you this Christmas. Considering how busy I am and we have not seen each other for five years, I believe this is the best gift you could ever have!
Have a happy and wonderful Christmas! May Santa still give you that gift you have been longing for since college and save you from singlehood.